Tying One On

Instructions for Inebriation

According to the dictionary, a drive is “an inner stimulus aimed at satisfying strong, often vital needs.” According to studies, excessive alcohol consumption, known as “bacchanalia” in Latin or “binge drinking” in English, is more common in rural regions, since the lack of intellectual stimuli there obviously makes it more “vital.” In cities you smoke pot, in the country you knock back drinks until you can’t walk – though driving home is no problem. On the following pages, we’ll show you how to use the simplest of means and ingredients to satisfy your pleasure drive without having to lower your standards.

Cold Pussy

150ml red wine, 150ml Coca Cola

There are a thousand names for the feeling of being in love, and it’s no different with this classic. But they both have one thing in common – a deep connection to the color red.

Schüttelkorn

2cl grain brandy, 1x fizzy powder

Instructions

  1. Tilt back your head

  2. Put the powder in your mouth

  3. Put the brain brandy in your mouth

  4. Shake your head!

  5. Swallow

Milv

6cl milk, 6cl vodka

It’s no secret that reduction doesn’t have to stand in the way of a sensual taste explosion. Quite the contrary. Drinkers will crave it like a baby craves breast milk.

U-Boot

0,33l beer, 2cl Shot of your choice

What kind of warhead to arm the torpedo with is up to the captain. The impact is guaranteed to do some damage no matter what.

Flying Hirsch (The poor man’s cocaine!)

1 can energy drink, 2cl Jägermeister

Klopfer

Instructions

  1. Check the number on the bottom of the bottle

  2. Knock the bottle on the table

  3. Put the bottle top on your nose

  4. Hold the bottle between your teeth

  5. Tilt back your head

  6. Remove the bottle from your gums

  7. Switch to decent drinks!

This classy libation is available in a wide variety of flflavors, for example “plum,” “fifig vodka,” “cream liqueur with whisky,” “sour cherry with vodka,” and “pink grapefruit.” The German manufacturer’s website claims: “Like no other brand, Kleiner Klopfer stands for joy in life, special friendships, exuberant and uncomplicated togetherness, and a distinct sense of belonging.” Which pretty much says it all.

Black Sow

0,75l vodka, 2 bags tyrskisk peber candy

At first glance, this jet-black medicine might look like a deadly nerve poison. But Anatolian licorice does the liver far more good than harm.

Dead Aunt

1x whipped cream, 30g cocoa powder, 250ml milk, 60ml rum

The etymology of this drink is a mystery begging to be solved. According to legend, an aunt from the North Frisian Island of Föhr moved to the United States to escape her humble origins. “Why is the drink called what it is called?“


Answer: When she died, her poor family could only bring her back "home" across the Atlantic in a cocoa box. The funeral feast was rum, cocoa and whipped cream. 

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