presentation on 35 mm
We love homestories. But more than that, we love authenticity. That's why we send disposable cameras to people and let them portrait their homes on their own. The first in the series is Natascha Hochenegg. She is a brave/resigned mother and stepmother of four children, the desperately loving wife of “Hubby”, a passionate blogger, and in her “free time” works as a freelance fashion editor for renowned photographers, designers, and magazines. On Facebook she tells anecdotes from her life on an almost daily basis – chaotic, elegant, sarcastic, caring, timid, black, and romantic. We asked her to take pictures of her home with the analog disposable camera – and selected the best posts from the last six months on her Facebook timeline. Her last message on social media before the copy deadline: “Life is a bitch and then you die...”
“Oscar, can you please clean up the chocolate cream you have all over your face? You look like a two-year-old who just learned how to eat.” Oscar wipes his face with his hand, stares at it and looks confused. “If you rub your hand on your freshly washed pants now, I gonna have to kill you.” And while I go into the kitchen to get fruit I hear him say to one of the girls: “Man, I think she used to have tons of kids, and we are the only ones who survived.”
So darlings, here’s a piece of life advice: Never tell your Hubbies that you feel fat and old and ugly in the hope he will dispute it. At least don’t say it to mine, otherwise you’ll hear a tender: “Oh honey, so am I.” I would love to hear the opposite before I change my 15-year-old profile image.
“Aha, do women have to take their bras off?”
“Papa?” – “Yes, Oscar?” – “Ah, at a heart massage…” – “Yes?” – “Aha, do women have to take their bras off?” – “I’ll do everything I can, okay?” Fanny squeaks: “Iiiiiii, wahh, I’m making T-shirts where it is drawn in where you have to push…”
So it is my opinion that the holy foreskin cannot go unmentioned in a presentation about the Middle Ages when one speaks about crusades and trading relics. Even 4th graders should be able to handle this.
To-do list for next week: Celestine-style spinach canapés, stuffed pastry pockets with leek, lentils with marrow, macaroni with fennel cream and walnuts, deep-fried eggs with Béarnaise sauce, salmon in hay bouillon and nun’s farts. I’m gonna have to get real, real old before I find something good about Catholicism.
„It probably doesn’t speak for my qualities as a helicopter mother“
Happy International Women’s Day to you all, darlings, and don’t forget to cash in on your discount off cleaning products, prosecco, chocolates, and cellulite treatments! Yaaay!
Today Oscar went to school in the unicorn costume. It probably doesn’t speak for my qualities as a helicopter mother that I didn’t even notice. He tells us at supper, Hubby in his three-piece suit flashes his eyes at me because I’m having a laughing fit. “But how did the high schoolers find it, Oscar?” – “They all wanted to make a selfie with me.” My future is secure!
Today ten years ago at my uncle’s, the gynecologist, cervix already 4 cm open, but we still want to go to the exhibition. We’ll go to the hospital in a couple of hours, but before into the city center. But then the dear father changes his mind and doesn’t want to see “Life and Death in Vienna” on the birthday of his daughter. So I say, slightly peeved, then let’s go to the Loos Bar. He tips back two drinks and then we drive off. On the way we listen to the John Lennon & Yoko Ono album; at the hospital he falls asleep on my bed while I freeze in the bathtub. I manage to get out on my own, shoo him away, he goes for a smoke with my uncle the gynecologist, meanwhile the contractions set in. And then she is there, looks like Gollum, and screams my ears full all night and for the next two years. You sarcastic, beautiful, extremely clever, little bitch, I love you to bits. And you, Tino, for her. Just like her father, they all say!